"I would NEVER have guessed you had anxiety and depression issues ! You’re always so confident and everything !”
christmas is so much worse as you get older it’s like “what do you want this year?” “a sense of purpose”
"a career" "financial security" "a sex life" "tuition for grad school" "alcohol" "a nap" "socks would be nice"
with bucky/steve, you have all these feelings from the idea of childhood friends, from bucky taking care of steve, steve who was so obviously such a sick kid, but also someone who got picked on a ton and infuriatingly refused to back down. growing up together in an orphanage. BLOOD BROTHERS in everything but blood. and then brothers in arms for real, and steve has a new body but the same, kind, beautiful heart and soul and bucky is scarred but that’s what war does: it scars you and hurts you until you’re either dead or just waiting for death back home. but no: steve appears and bucky’s heart cracks open and every wish for home has just been made a reality, and bucky can fight if he’s following that skinny kid from brooklyn into battle, because the thing about steve is that he gives people something to believe in. bucky believes in him. so childhood friends and brothers in arms and war heroes, clinging to each other in the midst of the kind of war that people don’t come out of alive. they are each other’s comfort and solace.
and then of course your damn heart is ripped out. bucky falls, cap falls, they both fall. part of me believes that cap comes to terms with his suicide mission using the fact that, even if he did somehow get out of the aircraft, bucky wouldn’t be there on the other side waiting for him. it doesn’t make it easy, there’s nothing easy about sacrifice. but. there is that. and the chance that maybe steve will see bucky again in death.
then cap comes to in the present day. and the winter soldier emerges, and your heart. JUST. BREAKS. because though the winter soldier is bucky, the winter soldier really isn’t bucky. not like steve knew him. the winter soldier is the enemy, is a gun, is a goddamn time bomb, and steve has to battle this weapon of mass destruction wearing the body of bucky barnes and it’s just
is any part of bucky still inside that husk of a warped man? is the idea that bucky is still alive, somewhere deep down in the winter soldier’s subconscious, is that enough for steve to drop his guard? will the winter soldier take advantage of this hesitation? WILL I EVER BE HAPPY AGAIN
why did today suck so bad
why do i have so many responsibilites
why are they all crushing me until i can’t breathe
my favorite thing is reading fan fiction but my least favorite thing is trying to find fan fiction to read
Don’t get attached to unpopular ships because you will run out of fic and die