before blaming others, think: whats the 1 constant in all your failed relationships? its that cursed egyptian amulet why do u even have that
i like online shopping and putting everything i want in a cart then checking my subtotal and laughing and closing the tab
is there a Black Friday deal for college tuition or is that not a thing
it’s 4:20 you know what that means. time for the sun to go down. I hate winter
imagine being in ravenclaw and going back to your common room stumbling drunk in the middle of the night after a magical night of partying and having to answer a fucking riddle in order to get in your own goddamn bedroom
"what gets wetter and wetter the more it dries"
"your mom eeyyyyyyy"
hey if you teach your parrot to say ‘parrot’ it’s probably as close as you’ll get to owning a pokemonMy brother tells a story about his roommate’s parrot, that everyone who came to the house would say “you’re a bird!” to it so the bird would repeat the phrase back, no big. Until one day my brother was alone in the house with it and heard it say, very quietly, “I’m a bird.” My brother almost dropped a plate.